Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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