Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
