All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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