Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
