it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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