Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
