I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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