Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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