I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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