I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Randomize
