There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I checked into jail on foursquare
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
