We won't sleep together?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
