I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize