Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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