I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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