Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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