so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
