I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
