so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
