u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
well you can't waste a boner
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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