I think I won the penis lottery.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
