my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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