KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
sarcasm needs its own font
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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