i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
