very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Randomize