i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
