Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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