there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize