Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
