Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Randomize
