well I can't set my house on fire every night
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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