He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
His hands were made for my vagina.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
