Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
he puts the penis in happiness.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
