You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
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Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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