arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
