How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
