In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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