i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
