Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Randomize
