if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Couch. On fire.
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