he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
