my mouth tastes like poor choices
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
