hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
