haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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