Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
