Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
