I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
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