i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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