Ambien. No doubt about it.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
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