we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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