to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
