He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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