whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
