It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
