i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Randomize
