also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Couch. On fire.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
