I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
