i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
