Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
