Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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