the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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