i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
